


to be again

by TheNumberFour



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Afterlife, F/M, Forgiveness, Hurt/Comfort, Season 8 Spoilers, here have some feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 12:55:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17023020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNumberFour/pseuds/TheNumberFour
Summary: Some things take time to forgive. In the afterlife, they have nothing but time.





	to be again

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I wrote this little drabbly, feelsy thing real quick today and it actually made me cry to write so naturally I had to share it with all of you. Essentially, assuming s8 was real and “happened” this is how the afterlife would go. Hope you guys enjoy it!

The afterlife is abstract. It is all colors, and yet it is none. It is difficult at first for Lotor to understand how they exist here. There are no palaces, no warships, no homes to speak of. But when someone calls to him, he is allowed to visit.

His mother summons him the most often after she arrives. He is not receptive to her apologies at first, not quite knowing what to say to her. He tells her he needs time to think. She reaches a hand toward him and he flinches away, the memory of the dark energy in her palm too vivid to ignore. She smiles wistfully, regretfully, but she knows that she has the rest of eternity to make this right.

His father sees him frequently. Zarkon tends to cry in Lotor’s presence, creating an intense dichotomy that Lotor is unable to rationalize at first. The quintessence had made this sensitive man into the monster who raised him, if he could even say he was _raised_ by his father. And for a while, he hated Zarkon for allowing it to happen, for not seeing that Honerva was sickened by the quintessence and instead unknowingly encouraging her to addict herself to it. It took more time to come to terms with Zarkon’s past. He was in his right mind to stop his wife’s work and instead plunged the universe into war and pain and death.

Lotor is cold to his father at first, and Zarkon is understanding of this. This Zarkon knows right from wrong. This uncorrupted Zarkon is someone Lotor feels himself wanting to know. And though Lotor accepts Zarkon’s apologies, and refuses to administer forgiveness, he is willing to put it behind him. There is no violence in Zarkon’s heart anymore. He is incapable of doing any damage here, in the afterlife. So Lotor accepts his father back into his life, still scarred, but ready to move forward.

Surprisingly enough, he is called by Alfor at times. Alfor asks strange questions, and responds thoughtfully to his answers. Lotor tried to decipher their meaning, and is unsuccessful. Lotor can’t help but feel like he is being tested. It is all very cryptic, and his first thought is that Alfor is angry for Lotor’s relations with his daughter.

It is Lotor’s turn to ask questions, and he counters Alfor’s question about juniberries with one of his own: _is she happy?_

He doesn’t need to explain who he is talking about. Alfor knows, and his only answer is a solemn nod.

_Did she tell you of my misdeeds?_

Another nod.

_Are you angry with me?_

Alfor is still.

He is indifferent. He sees the colony for what it is, an effort to preserve Altea, and is thankful. He doesn’t have an explanation for _why_ Lotor had harvested quintessence from the Alteans he had rescued.

His answer is that too much of his mother lay within him. It gave him his compassion when working with Galra-occupied planets, but also an insatiable curiosity and need for experimentation. It isn’t an excuse, he assures Alfor, but he had truly thought that the path to preservation lay in the blood of Alteans. The universe was out of ideas, and Lotor was out of resources. Zarkon had seen to that. He tried to save them. To put them in stasis so he could cure the sickness he’d thrust upon them.

The experiment was just too far gone. And Lotor will forever be remorseful that he had ever considered the option he had chosen.

Alfor dismisses him, not saying anything in return. Lotor is left alone, tears streaming down his cheeks and the face of every Altean he’d harmed running through his mind.

Allura avoids him. He calls to her often, but she doesn’t respond. He knows she’s moved on from him. He’s seen her kiss with the blue paladin before moving on from the mortal plane. And ever since, she hasn’t wanted to see him.

He weeps for ruining all they had, for reacting so poorly, for plunging them into the chaos. For destroying the one person he’d ever loved in ten thousand decaphoebs, and the only person to ever love him in return. He wants to take her in his arms and whisper his deepest apologies, to tell her of the anguish that the echo of his misdeeds is causing him.

There is no sleep in this realm, and yet being alone with these regrets is nightmarish. She is not obligated to answer, and he is so full of hatred for himself that he’d rather not subject her to it.

And as he is contemplating an eternity without her, he receives the call.

She’s in front of him, hair long, flowing down her back. She’s still wearing her pink armor.

He takes steps toward her, but falls to his knees at her feet.

_How can you forgive me for all I’ve done?_

Her eyes are not cold, they are not cruel, they look… curious. Innocent. As if nothing had ever happened between them. Miraculously, she smiles at him. Tears well in her crystalline blue eyes and she offers him a hand to help him stand. Once he’s upright, she throws herself into his arms. He buries his face in her hair as she murmurs into his chest.

_I missed you far too much to hold on to my hatred for your actions._

There’s something more there. Something that doubts they can return to their love as if nothing had happened. She had her paladin now. He was the new hope for Altea, and that strikes Lotor through the heart. That was the destiny he’d wanted, the future he hoped for with Allura... the ending that she’d deserved above anyone else. He’d ruined that himself. But despite everything, he knows he would rather have her.

He doesn’t care whether or not they love again.

He only wants them to _be_ again.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to leave a comment to let me know what you think!  
> You can find me on tumblr/pillowfort at TheNumberFour


End file.
